so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
