you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
