Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
