this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
