So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
