You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
