Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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