He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
