Buhtt sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
