She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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