Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
