I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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