so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize