I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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