You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize