The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
