i would punch a child for taco bell
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
