I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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