so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
