so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They took my balls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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