Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm too high and old for this...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
