Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
