Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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