You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
