I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
