I think I won the penis lottery.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
