moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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