Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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