If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
its liver damage thursday
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize