I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think a kid would responsible me up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize