I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
