my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
