There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
