How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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