My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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