Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
