youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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