So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
