Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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