if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
