chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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