One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
