It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize