apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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