he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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