Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
