Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
