I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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