it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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