you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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