new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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