My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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