I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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