just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
