Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
