can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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