Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
