Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
