if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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