btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
