Non-Jews are for practice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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