Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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