I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
