real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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