I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
