why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
