I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
