Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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