Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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