I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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